Discover how to cope with homesickness and align your expectations while living abroad.
I stumbled upon an interesting post on r/expats that caught my attention - see the original post. The author, a person who's been living abroad for about 8 months, shared their struggle with feeling disconnected from family and friends back home.
Homesickness and Expectations
When you move abroad, especially for a partner's job, it can feel like an adventure. But as time goes on, homesickness might creep in, especially if you've been living away from loved ones for a while, like this person who had been moving around for the past two years. They expressed feeling like the effort to maintain friendships and family ties wasn't reciprocal. It's common. You might find that the dynamics shift when you're not physically present. And honestly, it's frustrating.
Making the Effort
Our Reddit author mentioned organizing virtual meetups and staying in touch, but it felt one-sided. What's important here is recognizing that everyone has different ways of maintaining relationships. While you might prioritize frequent contact, your family and friends might not. It sounds like their family never really initiated calls, so the expectation might not have been clear on either side. Understanding that your need for connection has changed can be the first step in addressing this.
So what can you do?
Clearly Communicate: If you haven't already, explicitly state what you need. Tell your family and friends how much a call or a message could mean to you.
Shift Your Focus: Instead of focusing on those who aren't reciprocating, seek out new friendships and connections in your new environment. Join local expat groups or clubs.
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that while you might have the time and need for frequent communication, others might not. This doesn’t necessarily reflect their feelings about your relationship.
Building a New Network
Our Reddit author was surprised by the initial loneliness and the challenge of building networks from scratch. This is a very real part of the expat experience. You’re not only adapting to a new culture but also establishing a support system from the ground up.
Here's where we can help:
Join Expat Communities: These groups are fantastic for meeting people who understand exactly what you're going through. Whether it's a local coffee group or an online forum, shared experiences can help mitigate loneliness.
Engage with Locals: Integrating into the local culture can provide a sense of belonging. Attend community events or language classes if needed.
Your Emotional Well-being
Feeling that your friends and family aren't making an effort can take an emotional toll. When the author mentioned pulling back and feeling like no one noticed, it's important not to let this impact your self-worth or happiness.
Some steps to consider:
Focus on What You Can Control: You can't control others' actions, but you can control how you react. Choose to invest in relationships that are mutually nurturing.
Practice Self-care: Make sure you're finding joy in your new surroundings. Whether it’s exploring local cuisine or picking up a new hobby, these activities can provide satisfaction outside of your relationships.
At NWI, we've seen this dilemma with many of our clients. Moving abroad is a vast change that often comes with unexpected emotional challenges. Recognizing that you're not alone in these feelings is the first step. Embrace the adventure, the new experiences, and give yourself grace as you navigate these changes.